Started blogging again... Its weird...when you go through a breakup, or have been hurt in someway all of your friends start saying. "Write it all down." "Write it all down." "Write him a letter, but don't give it to him." etc...etc... So here I am...going to write it down. What sucks is that I've had this list of subscribers that I have had to block since my last entry. Which I hated doing. I have to block these people because a long time ago...4 years to be exact...someone told HIM that I used to write this blog and a lot was about HIM. Good & bad...but yes...majority was about him. So, not knowing who the leak was...had to block everyone, and change my blogring. Oh well...its probably better that this blog is shown to people that don't know me. Anyways...things are not going well for me right now. Long story short, two weeks ago, my boyfriend of 4 years told me literally the DAY BEFORE WE WERE GOING TO MOVE IN ...through a text message....that we weren't going to move in together. Of course...I had everything packed, movers scheduled, addresses changed. Ready and excited to move in-together the very next day. And what REALLY REALLY makes me mad is that I had cancelled the apartment FOR HIM three weeks ago. But...no no no...he told me to UN-cancel the cancel. He pleaded with me that everything was fine. He can afford it, he's "ready". So needless to say right now I'm not typing to you in my brand new apartment, with my wonderful boyfriend in my new fabulous apartment. No...right now I'm at my mom's house, escaping to my very un-organized...boxed filled room. With my relationship status freshly hidden in my Facebook. Cause...I don't know. I have no idea where we stand right now. How can you forgive someone who does that to you? Who doesn't respect you? Do you know that he hasnt' apologized yet?! Yeah...no flowers, no chocolates... No coffee carts to follow me around hired by him to make up for this HUGE wrong that he has pulled on me. Nope...nothing. Just a casual phone call..."Hey, how are you doing? Hope you are doing well..." Grrr..... To top it all off, my elderly grandpa had to move in the very next day I moved in with my mom. I love my grandpa...but right now, I'm stressed out to the tee. I just feel totally and utterly trapped! I can't even watch tv in the living room without my grandpa making some nasty comment about the "trashy tv" that I watch. Its so weird to go from having and expecting this awesome lifestyle, to all of a sudden being turned upside-down to living with my parents. I'm still in shock. And right now all can keep thinking to myself is...gotta SAVE. Save as much as you can right now until you can afford a nicer place. And get some nice furniture. Before it becomes June....cause you know what happens in June? Two important things....my 28th Birthday and my ten year highschool reunion. I keep thinking that the award for biggest loser since graduation is going to be me...Lore. "Lore is now 28...still lives with her parents, not married, has no kids, single ...and is 20 pounds overweight. Lets bring her on-stage for the big PIE IN THE FACE." LITERALLY that is what I'm thinking is going to happen. I feel like such a let down to myself. And being here....with all these boxes. It just sucks. Craigslist is no help. Can't afford a place on my own. Don't want a roommate. How am I going to get out of here before June. This really f'in sucks. What happens next? Where am I going to go? How am I going to afford a new apartment on my own? Do I get back with him? How can I get back with him after what he has done? Will I meet someone new? Will I be the biggest loser from my graduating class? Too many questions....need more blogs. Love,
-Lore | 